Monday, April 21, 2008

Great expectations

I started this post a few weeks ago...

It is exactly 2 years ago yesterday that I started working at my current job. The thought of it makes me want to cry. Not a good sign. What happened? This was only supposed to be the beginning toward my dream job.

A few things. Stagnation due to a decent paycheck, fear of rejection and the coincidence that every time I make up my mind to leave, I get a carrot –as in potential for better assignments - dangled in front of me. Not that they didn’t follow through. But every new opportunity turns out to be the same as before – a whole lot of nothing.

A great employee will find a way to be productive. I tried. I took the initiative, seeing ways I could add value. My ideas were encouraged by my manager. He approved but did not advice on implementation. I don’t mind. I am resourceful. But eventually they were so beaten down I gave up hope. Maybe he already knew that. Then my manager left. I think he checked out long before he left. Sometimes he tells me he feels my frustration. Sometimes towards the end I understood his frustration.

No matter. By then I was on a new contract to a big client. Things were going to be great. There were going to be a lot of new projects coming my way. Things happened and I stopped getting anything new weeks ago. Even my friends on the client side are puzzled. I can’t say I am surprised. Not because I’m smarter or know more than the rest of them, but because I’ve seen this happen in this industry before.

2 years is a long time to waste, especially for a newbie. Yes I’m getting decent pay and benefits. But I’m beginning to see it as amortization for the deterioration of my future employability.

All my life I feel like I was working toward a great career. I went to good schools, got great grades, and worked for a good resume every chance I get. Great things were expected of me. I expected great things of myself. But I seem to be stalled.


Nicole said...

This is a totally normal way to feel. I'm in my mid-20s and feel the same way. Where are these great jobs we're supposed to have that make us a good living? To put it in perspective, two years is not a long time to have invested... but twenty is. Embrace that you are yound and mobile and if you want to change, go for it!

Fabulously Broke said...

Have you ever thought about doing something else on the side?

Even a hobby might help you make contacts and figure out where you might want to take your life next...