Great expectations

I started this post a few weeks ago...

It is exactly 2 years ago yesterday that I started working at my current job. The thought of it makes me want to cry. Not a good sign. What happened? This was only supposed to be the beginning toward my dream job.

A few things. Stagnation due to a decent paycheck, fear of rejection and the coincidence that every time I make up my mind to leave, I get a carrot –as in potential for better assignments - dangled in front of me. Not that they didn’t follow through. But every new opportunity turns out to be the same as before – a whole lot of nothing.

A great employee will find a way to be productive. I tried. I took the initiative, seeing ways I could add value. My ideas were encouraged by my manager. He approved but did not advice on implementation. I don’t mind. I am resourceful. But eventually they were so beaten down I gave up hope. Maybe he already knew that. Then my manager left. I think he checked out long before he left. Sometimes he tells me he feels my frustration. Sometimes towards the end I understood his frustration.

No matter. By then I was on a new contract to a big client. Things were going to be great. There were going to be a lot of new projects coming my way. Things happened and I stopped getting anything new weeks ago. Even my friends on the client side are puzzled. I can’t say I am surprised. Not because I’m smarter or know more than the rest of them, but because I’ve seen this happen in this industry before.

2 years is a long time to waste, especially for a newbie. Yes I’m getting decent pay and benefits. But I’m beginning to see it as amortization for the deterioration of my future employability.

All my life I feel like I was working toward a great career. I went to good schools, got great grades, and worked for a good resume every chance I get. Great things were expected of me. I expected great things of myself. But I seem to be stalled.