Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What to do next?

The Ex moved away Feb/Mar. However, I haven’t really felt the impact until now. I’ve been too busy to really think about it. There was the Egypt trip, new job at the café, him visiting me here, me visiting him, trip to Austin, trip to Nova Scotia, finishing my old job and finding a new job, etc.

But I’ve cut back my work at the café. It was becoming monotonous anyway. The new job is just regular working hours. All of a sudden I’m beginning to feel his absence. I didn’t realize how much of my spare time is taken up by him. Now when I want to do something I’d think ‘Right. I don’t know who to call anymore.”

This is the other problem. Previously, not being single, I actually did not have a problem hanging with my guy friends. Now I do. For example, I called up one of my friends to help me car shop. Of course we spent some time together because of that. Now there is weirdness. I get the feeling that he wants something more but I’m just not attracted to him. So I’m doing the cowardly thing of avoiding him.

Not being single I have to watch how my actions can be misinterpreted. Before a meal is just a friendly meal. Now I can’t be so sure. So not only am I losing him to hang out with, I can’t just randomly call up a guy without thinking twice.

My girlfriends? They all have their significant others. I’d say most of them are pretty independent and do their own thing, but it is just natural that a lot of their time is taken up by their SOs and couple activities like dinner with their families etc.

This is not a whinging fest – just a little. I’m just wondering what I could do to fill in that time and is good for me. Maybe take classes? I always wanted to learn belly dancing. Maybe some volunteering? Maybe a university course? Don't know.


Karen said...

I think those are good ideas and you should definitely look into them. :)

Anonymous said...

Taking the time to be alone is smart. Fill your time with activities only when it feels right. When contacting guy friends, I would let them know in a conversation that you aren't ready to date. You shouldn't feel bad being with them but mentioning during dinner "Well it's nice to have more time get together with friends like you...I'm not going to date anyone for awhile." lets them know where you're at. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

It's funny that you mention the weirdness between you and single guys. I get the same thing when it is just a male friend and me and I'm engaged- it's like they are continuously checking that I'm still up for my relationship. NOt a problem if it is a group of guy friends. I wonder how you avoided it when you were with someone?

Esme said...

Karen, Thanks for encouragement. I really think this time will be good for me.

I really should bring it up in conversation that I’m not ready to date. But that’s not entirely true. I’m just not interested in them that way. So even when I am ready, they are just my friends. I know I will probably have this conversation one day but right now I just want to lay low and stay out of trouble.

I know what you mean. There are friends with whom this will hardly ever be a problem (Unfortunately, they are all abroad, or in other cities) but there are those who make me feel the only reason they hang around is for the possibility that one day maybe etc. etc. Having a bf makes it easy. I just repeatedly bring him up in conversation. Can’t do that now I haven’t got one.